When the two of you first got together, you were inseparable. Your sexual chemistry was undeniable and you had a blast exploring each other’s bodies.
But then, over time, things began to change.
Your sexual activities went from a daily occurrence to a weekly or even monthly occurrence, and before you know it, you two haven’t touched each other in what feels like forever.
Believe it or not, this is more common than you may think. In fact, partners across both genders reported feelings of sexual frustration and dissatisfaction.
Of course, talking with a partner about sex can be difficult, especially if you’re already having issues.
Don’t settle for an unhappy bedroom. Here are a few tips on how to talk about sex with your partner that can help you reignite the fire you thought was lost.
Shake off the Stigma
Be honest, you probably saw this headline and started to blush.
From an early age, we’re taught that sexuality is something that should be hidden and never discussed. Suffice to say, that can lead to some pretty complicated issues down the road.
But until you remove the stigma from sex, having an open, honest discussion with your partner will be quite a challenge.
Talking sex, even with someone you love and trust, can be a bit embarrassing. But don’t pull away. The problem won’t go away if you don’t discuss it.
Start framing sex like you would any other facet of your relationship. Despite what many of us are taught, it’s a healthy, normal part of life and should be treated as such.
Expect Some Discomfort
Because of the stigma, not everyone is comfortable talking about sex. Even if your sexual relationship with your partner is fine, they may become shy or timid anytime sex is mentioned.
It’s crucial that you respect your partner’s wishes while also stressing how important it is to you. Be careful not to come across as angry or accusatory.
Instead, gently ask them why talking about sex makes them uncomfortable. Let them know that it hurts when they shut down and refuse to talk about it, and use this as a chance to open a dialogue.
Of course, there’s a chance that you’re the more timid partner. If that’s the case, don’t feel guilty. Explore your feelings of discomfort and turn inward.
Perhaps you had a religious upbringing that makes it difficult to explore your sexuality. With proper acknowledgment, you can work through those feelings.
Set Communication Ground Rules
Communication is at the heart of any healthy relationship, and it’s important that you’re always honest with your partner.
With that said, talking sex with your partner can bring about some friction … and not necessarily in a good way. As a result, it may be a good idea to set some communication ground rules.
First, agree to take the time needed to have such an important discussion. That may sound silly, but life can get so busy that it can be difficult to find time for such an important discussion. Both partners need to dedicate their full attention to the topic at hand.
Next, watch how you speak to one another. If it gets heated, walk away for a few moments. Likewise, if both partners can’t stop blushing, agree to talk through it.
Finally, don’t be afraid to express your needs. Let your partner know how important sex is to you. Tell them what you need to feel safe.
Both partners should stick to a strict no-judgment policy throughout the discussion.
Practice Talking About Your Fantasies
One great way to become more comfortable talking about sex with your partner is to slowly tease out one another’s fantasies. We all have turn ons and turn offs, but we’re not always great about verbalizing our desires.
If you’re struggling to talk about your fantasies, try using an online questionnaire.
Both partners separately fill out a few pages of basic information about their sexual interests based on a scale based on interest.
What’s great about this questionnaire is that it only shows you what you and your partner have in common, so you can answer openly and without fear.
Go through the results together. What seems like a simple quiz can be used as a fantastic way to introduce some new kinks and fun into your sex life.
This is a great example of why a no-judgment policy is a good idea, by the way. Both partners are likely going to learn some surprising things about one another, but judging is a surefire way to kill off any spark.
Approach the Situation as a Couple, Not as an Individual
Every problem you face is an opportunity to grow your relationship. Start viewing each problem as you and your partner against the issue instead of you and your partner against one another.
A lot of this will come through your phrasing. No one wants to feel attacked, so be conscientious about how you address the issue.
Use inclusive language like ‘we’ and ‘us’ throughout your dialogue to avoid coming off as accusatory.
Make Time for One Another
Talking about sex is one thing, but making time for it is another. Time can be a leading cause for a lack of intimacy.
But like any other facet of your relationship, it’s up to the two of you to make time for it.
Send each other flirty texts throughout the day to keep each other excited and interested. Make more of an effort to engage in physical affection, too.
If all else fails, try to stick to the five-minute rule. Even if you’re exhausted, spend five minutes at the end of the day kissing, touching, or being intimate with your partner.
Even if you’re still not in the mood, you’ll release oxytocin, a chemical that helps you and your partner bond.
How To Talk About Sex with Your Partner: A Few Final Thought
Talking about sex isn’t always something that comes easily. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t important, especially if you and your partner are looking to reignite that long-lost flame that still burns inside.
Looking for more advice on how to talk about sex with your partner? Or maybe you and your loved one are struggling with another issue.